Online Therapy for Life Transitions, Non-monogamy & Pet Loss in Virginia, Ohio & Kentucky
Commonly-Addressed Topics
As a counselor, I often work with clients on a range of relationship-related challenges, and the following topics are areas where I frequently provide support. This list is not exhaustive or ranked in any particular order but reflects key issues where individuals and relationships commonly seek guidance.
Whether you are delving into identity exploration, navigating the complexities of transitioning between monogamy and non-monogamy, or managing the ongoing wellness and growth of your relationships, my approach is grounded in the understanding that every journey is unique, and my goal is to offer personalized insight and support to help you navigate these complexities and cultivate healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Identity Exploration
Exploring one's sense of self within intimate relationships involves understanding where one falls on the spectrum of monogamy and non-monogamy. With non-monogamy existing on a continuum, individuals may resonate with varying degrees of openness or exclusivity. This journey of self-discovery can become even more complex when considering other aspects of identity, such as sexual orientation or gender identity, adding additional layers to uncover in determining the relationship structure that truly aligns with one’s desires and needs.
Establishing a Preferred Relationship Style
Determining the ideal relationship style involves assessing personal preferences alongside factors such as lifestyle, stage of life, and available resources (e.g., time, money, energy). For example, someone might aspire to practice non-hierarchical polyamory but find that hierarchical polyamory suits them better at their current life stage due to responsibilities like raising children with a nesting partner. Finding the right relationship setup requires methodical reflection, patience from all parties, and sometimes trial and error to discover what works best for each individual. It also requires ongoing, objective evaluation of resource limitations that involves recognizing and adjusting for saturation levels.
Transitioning from Monogamy to Non-monogamy, or Vice-versa
Transitioning from a monogamous relationship structure to a non-monogamous one can be challenging due to a a scarcity of educational resources, limited healthy role models, social implications, and internalized negative messages about non-monogamy. These factors can make non-monogamy feel out of reach, despite it being a viable option. Additionally, the shift may involve grief as one lets go of the perceived comfort and identity associated with monogamy.
Conversely, one may decide to transition from non-monogamy to monogamy. This decision could stem from a change in life stage, the realization that non-monogamy isn’t a good fit, or previous difficulties in navigating non-monogamous relationships. Transitioning to monogamy can also be a complex process accompanied by equally complex emotions.
Navigating Differences in Preferred Relationship Structure
Navigating differences in preferred relationship structures can present challenges, particularly when partners have contrasting desires, such as one wanting monogamy and the other preferring non-monogamy. This does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship, though it might if the partners find their needs are fundamentally incompatible. Often, dyads can find common ground through a process that requires reflection, compassion, and empathy. Honest communication about desires and a willingness to consider ending the relationship if incompatibility is clear are crucial. While the process can be stressful, addressing these differences thoughtfully can lead to finding a mutually satisfying arrangement or a respectful conclusion if necessary.
Managing Existential Threats
Engaging in non-monogamy can be stressful due to internalized cultural norms that idealize monogamy, leading to feelings of guilt or self-doubt. Social stigma and judgment from others can amplify this stress, particularly when "coming out of the closet" to family, friends, or healthcare providers, which can also lead to isolation. Legal and financial concerns, such as custody issues or healthcare complications, add another layer of complexity. These pressures can threaten one’s ability to practice non-monogamy safely and openly and might even prevent individuals who identify as polyamorous or non-monogamous from pursuing non-monogamy. Overcoming these challenges often involves navigating a minefield of misconceptions, pursuing education, building supportive communities, and sometimes even consulting legal experts. Seeking support helps to alleviate the cumulative burden and overwhelm caused by these existential threats, providing relief and helping individuals manage the complexities more effectively.
Confronting Relational Instability
Relational instability can occur when a relationship undergoes significant changes or restructuring, such as when new partners are added to a polycule. The process often involves phases of storming, forming, and norming, with the storming phase being particularly challenging. This period of change can be destabilizing as the relationship recalibrates and seeks solid ground. New relationship energy (NRE) can further strain the dynamic, introducing additional challenges to overcome and making it harder for existing partners to feel secure. During this time, individuals must stay grounded, and partners must collaborate to find their footing and establish common ground, as the experience can feel like an emotional roller coaster to some.
Facing Insecurity
Insecurity and relational instability are distinct concepts. Insecurity is an internal feeling characterized by attachment anxieties, such as fear of replacement or rejection. It can arise from actual threats, perceived threats, or imagined scenarios. In contrast, relational instability is an actual state of the relationship, influenced by threats that create vulnerabilities. In non-monogamous relationships, an individual’s sense of insecurity can be heightened by a partner’s involvement with others, often due to internalized beliefs about exclusivity or fear of not measuring up.
While exploring insecurities might uncover underlying relational instability, insecurity alone does not necessarily indicate instability. Understanding and distinguishing between actual threats and perceived fears is crucial for maintaining a healthy and supportive non-monogamous dynamic. Effectively addressing insecurities requires both individual reflection and collaborative effort within the relationship.
Implementing Operational Protocols
Managing a multi-partnered relationship system involves practical aspects to ensure smooth operation. This includes setting up various protocols such as scheduling date nights, using shared calendars, assigning roles, and conducting regular check-ins with partners. Forming habits and routines that integrate these practices into the relationship structure is key, requiring ongoing, active collaboration from all partners to ensure that all components work together seamlessly and that the system runs smoothly. Properly managing these operational aspects is not just a detail but a fundamental element in maintaining a well-functioning and harmonious relationship structure.
Maintaining Relational Wellness & Growth
Maintaining relational wellness and growth requires ongoing attention to various aspects. These include enhancing communication skills, effectively navigating life transitions like career changes or relocations, and adapting to new relationship dynamics as roles and needs evolve. A polycule might focus on shared goals, such as becoming parents and raising children in a mono-normative world. Additionally, managing sexual health and addressing financial dynamics are essential for overall well-being. Building external support networks and celebrating milestones and achievements further strengthen the bond and foster a positive and supportive environment for everyone involved.
You are worthy of healthy relationships, no matter the structure.